The Trust Fall

Do you remember, during one of those team building times at school or work or summer camp or what have you, doing the obligatory trust fall exercise? Raise your hand (and possibly insert eye roll) if you do! If you don't, this is an exercise where you have a small group of people and you each take a turn falling backwards (usually from a chair or table or platform of some sort) into the hands/arms of the other group members trusting that they will catch you. Well, I certainly feel like my life is a giant trust fall right now! You got your pandemic, your step out on a limb with a new business/new identity, your starting a new training not knowing how it will fit exactly but knowing that it feels right, your civil rights movement coming to the surface in a different way than before etc. etc. Enter liminal space.

I heard the term "liminal space" for the first time the other day and I knew I needed to learn more about it. Liminal comes from the Latin root 'limen' meaning 'threshold.' The liminal space is the space of crossing over. It is the space where you have left something behind yet you're not fully somewhere new. It is where transformation takes place. According to Franciscan Richard Rohr, "Liminal space is an inner state and sometimes an outer situation where we can begin to think and act in new ways. It is where we are betwixt and between, having left one room or stage of life but not yet entered the next. We usually enter liminal space when our former way of being is challenged or changed—perhaps when we lose a job or a loved one, during illness, at the birth of a child, or a major relocation. It is a graced time, but often does not feel 'graced' in any way. In such space, we are not certain or in control. "

With leaving my previous life behind last year by leaving my job and not having another one lined up (or even an idea of what I may do next), I put myself in this liminal space (and actually refer to it as my mid-life pause). In addition to the description above, this space asks us to be patient, to allow, to trust, to be okay with not moving. For an extreme planner (and, let's face it, at times a control freak!) this space can feel very uncomfortable. We are all currently in a liminal space due to the pandemic and many of us have moments of feeling uncomfortable with the not knowing.

One of the things I do as a coach is to ask thoughtful questions. Through coaching and self-coaching alike, I've been asked plenty of questions about the liminal spaces that I'm in and the one that we are all in. I don't profess to know the answers to all (or any) of these questions. What to do? What to do? Well, I have a suggestion: perhaps instead of continual searching for the answers, maybe we learn how to become comfortable with the questions themselves.

I take huge comfort in the words from poet Rainer Maria Rilke. He suggests that we live the questions rather than having the answers. "Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." Mic drop!

I love coaching because by asking questions of the client, we can help them through their liminal space, stretching them toward growth and to the next step of their journey. Perhaps they won't even realize it, but planting the seed with asking a question may someday have an impact on someone and help them to live their way into the answer. Wow. I love this concept! I love thinking that I am helping people live their questions in whatever liminal space they may be in. I love that I get to be a witness to that and be their guide (behind the scenes) along the journey.

The transitional moments that exist within liminality are where authentic transformation can happen. These moments, this space, can sometimes be hard to sit with. It asks things of you and can be uncomfortable. But, according to Rohr, without them, we won't be able to see beyond ourselves to the broader and more inclusive world that lies before us. In other words, it's worth it folks!

So let's take that trust fall! Let's live those questions! Embrace this liminality that we are all living. No one said it is easy but I believe that it will be worth it! Who's with me?! :-)

*Credit to Lou Redmond for his inspiration for this post

It took a pandemic but I finally ________! (fill in the blank)

Last Sunday was the one year anniversary of me beginning my mid-life pause. One year ago was my last day of work at my 19+ year career with the same employer. I grew up there. I was challenged there. I did meaningful (to me) work in a very meaningful and necessary field. I met lifelong friends there. When you work somewhere for that long, you definitely reach plateaus. Comfort zones of sorts. And, hopefully, you are given or find chances along the way to grow and stretch and try things that are out of your comfort zone. I was fortunate enough to have those different opportunities along the way. But, even though I experienced growth and times that I was outside of my comfort zone, by staying with the same company/industry, I never left the comfort zone of that.

When I began my pause, I didn't know what I wanted to embark upon next. I just knew that I needed some rest and that I would be creating Ali 2.0 - the updated version of myself :-) So, I rested. And I visited with people and slept in and went to workout class in the middle of the day (say what?!) and had lots of lunches and drove my kids to and from school and was around when my teenagers were around so as to be available should they get to a point that they needed parental connection (spoiler alert - they WILL get to this point if you stick around long enough being present in their background!). I was able to have so many of the experiences that I had LONGED to have when I was a working mom. Then, in October of 2019, I started training to become a Life Coach. I wasn't ready to say that I was going to actually become a Life Coach at that time, but I knew that the training would be helpful to me personally and may also be helpful on a professional level in the future.

January of 2020 rolled around and I decided that it was time to start looking for a job more seriously. I ended up getting something lined up at another software company and was planning to start that job in early April. However, COVID-19 had other plans. Once business traveling came to a screeching halt, my pseudo offer was on hold indefinitely. Then a light bulb went off in my head (after freaking out about ALL of the other things pandemic related): why wouldn't I at least TRY giving this Life Coaching thing a go? I had been training for it this whole time and we were at the point in our training when we could start to see clients. So, lo and behold, here I am seeing clients and finishing up my training almost exactly a year from my last day at my previous job!

It took a pandemic, but I finally...

...embarked on a new career and path for my life. Ali 2.0 is officially in the house!! I'm so excited for this ride y'all!! (bike pic from my gorgeous ride the other day)

How do you want to finish this sentence? What's getting in your way?